Contents of My Heart

“Don’t listen to nobody… listen to yourself.” – Jim

One day on the farm while weeding through the beets – I began ‘weeding’ out my life (getting your hands dirty certainly brings clarity when your conscious and thoughtful about it). I spoke out loud of my current situation – talking of the trip, looking for a job, where I’ve been and where I want to be. After being on the road for a few months my thoughts and feelings began to trickle from my tongue. I was speaking my mind and the words and in that moment were becoming a reality… it became clearer to me as I spoke – I listened to myself…

Since I’ve been working at farms and connecting with some really amazing people I’ve decided that I want to do a year long apprenticeship next farming season. I feel like this is the next natural step to being one step closer to where I want to be. I want to dedicate myself to learning and absorbing new methods and techniques and practicing old ones. I want to honor the people I’ve met who have inspired me and share the knowledge I gain with others. My ultimate goal is to manage my own farm, someday.

In the meantime I applied for an apprenticeship at a farm in Hawaii for this winter and they called me a few weeks ago to offer me a 2 month position… It’s all happened pretty fast but I’m actually heading back east for a few months to save up some money. It’s been pretty hard living in such a young city trying to find a job. Everybody needs one! But I figure if I want to make Hawaii happen and my year long apprenticeship next year that I have to do this.

This trip for me has been validation that if there’s something you want to do in life you just have to do it. Humans make a lot of excuses for the things we do and don’t do and at the end of the day where are you? Weighed down by a bunch of reasons that stand in your way from doing anything. Despite all that is going on culturally I will not let fear rule my World. Perhaps the biggest fear of all – lose of self. It is easy in this day and age to fall into our cultural priorities – making lots of money, having lots of nice things, and not having enough time to slow down, cook dinner and share it with your family. It’s a wonder how we all got so far away from our real priorities and most importantly ourselves.

I realize the family who eats together, grows together. That knowing how to take care of yourself and having ways to express yourself creatively is the vein that nourishes the soul. I believe that simplicity really is the key to life. We only get one go around and I want to be conscious of it all. To live freely, honorably, and passionately.

I want to bring together communities and give them the necessary skills to live happy, meaningful live. Which is why I’ve decided to do a year long apprenticeship next farming season. I feel like this is the next natural step to being one step closer to where I want to be. Getting my hands dirty, giving life and nourishing a community. I want to be a teacher and give children the skills they need to take care of themselves. I feel that this is where my heart is and I’m excited to do this on my own. I have never really done something on my own and I believe this is a change that will provide growth and knowledge of the self.

I want to be strong and certain and independent. I want to grow and learn and discover new people, places and ideas. I need to read more and go on the internet less. I need to go on a bike ride or walk each day. Write a letter or two each week either to myself or to someone else. I can’t wait for others – I have to do it myself. This is my life. There are no wrong decisions just heartfelt ones. I need to go off the radar for a while… see myself through my eyes and nobody elses. It’s time… watch my flowers grow… and so it flows…

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One Response to Contents of My Heart

  1. jenni_n_kev says:

    jess! oh my goodness. You have to email me and let me know all these details. What a huge opportunity. I am so proud of you for making such a tough but what will be such a rewarding decision. Where in hawaii? Kev just asked me if it was Ono Farms in Maui. He was just there a little while ago. When does it start? I would love to hear more about all this!!!

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